2) The gift of time

Most people feel that they have too much to do in a day, so consider giving your mom the gift of time — that is, time to take care of herself. That could mean anything from offering to cook dinner to doing the dishes or taking the dog for a walk. It could involve arranging for a friend to babysit while mom takes a hike or takes that course that she has signed up for. I still have some hand-made coupons from my kids for a shoulder massage that I look forward to enjoying! The criterion is that it should be something that soothes your mom and gives her a chance to tune in to herself — what a concept!

3) The gift of appreciation

Moms always do for others and often don’t even realize the effect they have on their families. One great approach is to put together a booklet of photographs and drawings that remind you of special times with your mom. Extra bonus points for including a letter of gratitude to let her know a few things you love about her, perhaps the most important lesson you have learned from her, and how much that means to you. I’d love this gift for Mother’s Day — hint, hint.

Finally, celebrate the quality of motherhood within yourself. You don’t have to be a mother to do this. Consider who or what you care about most and focus your energy and support in that direction. Be there for someone else, and don’t forget to take care of yourself — Mother’s Day is just the beginning!

Why is Mother’s Day special or not special to you? What are the most memorable gifts you have received?

I just got off the phone with my sister. It is almost the end of the school year, and the students at her daughter’s elementary school have a week of testing ahead during which they’ll take the Standardized Testing and Reporting, or STAR, tests. My niece, aged 10. is staying up till 10 pm most every night to study, and she is stressed out. What is wrong with this picture?
br>Our kids are under increasing pressure to do well on these standardized tests and teachers are also under pressure to have their kids perform at high levels. My niece was told that in preparation for the STAR testing, the school was taking away vocabulary and spelling homework and replacing it with a substantial packet of tests to take home and study. This is on top of her already rigorous homework schedule. What is the reason for this? My sister believes that it is not for the students’ education necessarily — it is to make the school look good. The question is — at what price?

There are plenty of parents who are not happy with what is going on. Children and teens are increasingly sleep deprived, overscheduled and ceaselessly connected on social media. This, apart from the regular stresses, creates fertile a ground for anxiety, which can then lead to depression:

• About 20 percent of teens will experience teen depression before they reach adulthood.

• Most teens with depression will suffer from more than one episode. 20 to 40 percent will have more than one episode within two years, and 70 percent will have more than one episode before adulthood. Episodes of teen depression generally last about 8 months.

Day after day, the students have to memorize reams of data. Then they must regurgitate it well on quizzes just so that they can move on to the next subject area to be memorized and regurgitated. How much of this knowledge are they retaining? Is this really the best way to develop a love for learning? Can it even really be called true learning?

When did schools get away from the idea of giving our kids the proper tools they need to create a life of meaning? Today, it is equally as important to have students equipped to face the ups and down that inevitably come up as it is to have them graduate. The most successful people do not only possess book smarts; they possess emotional intelligence, know their own strengths and use them well and create positive relationships and know how to manage their emotions. Successful people and true leaders care about others – -it’s not just about “me.” In this increasingly interconnected world, a thriving future is more than ever about “we.”

Today, students do not even have the luxury to contemplate a life of meaning, nor the qualities that create a happy life; they are dealing with unprecedented stress levels. The whole idea of getting into the “right” college is a lie. It puts undue pressure on both students and their parents. The truth is there are a great many colleges and universities. Finding the right fit for each individual is more important than succumbing to the mass hysteria that the college search has become. The fact is it doesn’t have to be that way.

Students need to be taught that everyone has a gift and that it is important to cultivate what they are passionate about. Joseph Campbell said it best: “Follow your bliss.” In contrast, the educational system tries to produce “well-rounded” people — teaching students to be “competent” in all areas. It sounds good, yet so much is designed for schools to retain their standing based on the test results. On the subject of competency, some might even argue that competence is not that far away from mediocrity. How do we develop inspired leaders, those who are among the best in any area of expertise? Students have to go deep into what they are passionate about and be encouraged to do so. What if we found the spark in young people, that special thing which lights them up and taps into their creative genius, and then we nurtured them to run with it? What if we provided experiential learning opportunities grounded in real life? What if we found mentors to help them along?

Let’s take it one step further with a simple shift of perspective. What if we challenged youth to find solutions for the problems they are inheriting from us? What if we supported them on that quest and incentivized them to come up with possible solutions? If we nurtured their strengths and innate brilliance we might be very surprised and impressed with the ideas they would introduce.

One of my favorite quotes is one by Howard Thurman: “Ask not what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” It’s time to look at the stresses we put on our children and education in general in a new way.

Is school doing a good job for your child — why or why not?

1. Tip: Live each day with the intention of giving. Every day, do your best to be kind, and to do something in the service of helping others. Paying it forward is a guaranteed experience of your own sense of joy.

Action to take today: Fill someone’s bucket. Think of all the people you love in your life, and what they would need from you, to brighten their day. It can be as simple as a phone call to tell them you are thinking of them, to cooking them their favorite dish, to babysitting their young children so they can have a few hours to themselves. You will see you will be filling your own bucket as well!

2. Tip: Let go of the past. Aside from death and taxes, the one thing you can count on is that things will change. Nothing is permanent, so embrace the now instead of living in the past. People get the most stuck when life changes on them: loss of a job, end of a relationship, a death, a move…. The way you’ll be able to find joy is by embracing the new normal.

Action: Perform a ritual to help you let go of the past. It works! There are many different things you can do here, but the one I find most effective is writing a letter to yourself. This allows you to release all of your thoughts and feelings about the past. You can also go a step further and burn the letter as a symbol of letting go.

3. Tip: Find your inner zing. Passion and purpose equals a happy life. And if you don’t know what this is for you, it’s time to start figuring it out. It’s not something you can accomplish overnight, but the discovery is waiting to happen. Don’t be resigned to the life you have right now because fear is getting in your way.

Action: Try something new! And during the experience, pay attention to your feelings deep within. When you find something that’s your passion, you’ll feel a wonderful sense of excitement. The time will pass quickly, and you’ll want to learn more and more. And if at first you don’t succeed, try something else until you achieve that feeling.

4. Tip: Embrace all of your feelings. If we don’t allow for the pain, fear, or anger, then we can’t fully embrace the joy that is within us. Numbing out the former numbs out the latter. If you allow yourself to feel these difficult emotions, you’ll be able to release them, instead of letting them bog you down.

Action: Cinema therapy. Everyone can feel emotions for others far more easily than they can for themselves. But what we feel for others is about us! Movies are a great way to tap into this notion. So as you’re watching (be sure to choose movies you know will allow for this), pay attention to the moments that are meaningful for you.

5. Tip: Curb your gossiping. The more we have the need to talk about and critique others, the worse we’re feeling about ourselves. Moreover, it’s spreading negative energy into the world, and is working against our happiness.

Action: Act as if. Just stop, and act as if you feel great about yourself right now. Notice when you don’t critique and gossip what you’re actually thinking about yourself. This exercise will be very healing and put you right into the zone for joy.

6. Tip: Take stock of your friends. Be mindful of who you’re spending your time with. They’re a reflection of you and what you’re feeling inside. For example, if you’re surrounded by angry or sad people, you have anger and sadness within. If you want to feel joy and contentment, you must surround yourself with joyful people.

Action: Clean house. If you’re always around people who are bringing you down, it is time to let go of these connections. Surround yourself with what you want to be. And don’t try to fit into old molds anymore.

7. Tip: Appreciate your life. The happiest people know where to focus. They don’t necessarily have more in their life than you; they just focus on what they have versus what’s missing. And they’re really able to appreciate the good.

Action: Go on a mission. Spend time with someone who’s living with an injury, or has failing health. They’ll be able to spread their wisdom, which will show you how to focus on the good; if you’re healthy today, it’s a very good day!

8. Tip: Practice Forgiveness. Holding onto your anger about what someone’s done to you is only hurting you! Meanwhile, their lives are most likely unaffected. We’re not talking about forgetting. We’re talking about accepting – accepting that we can’t change the past, and that holding onto it is affecting our present. It’s also the recognition that people come with faults. If someone’s hurt us, it’s coming from a place of their own emotional flaws. So by all means, don’t forget, and don’t allow them to hurt you again. Instead, attempt to understand why they did what they did, feel for them that they have to carry the burden of their own shortcomings, and live your life.

Action: Make a list of the people you still carry anger for. Contact them, one by one, and make peace. It can be as simple as writing an email telling them you’ve forgiven them and have moved forward.

Bottom line, we take so many things for granted—the ability to breathe, walk, see, taste, hear…. These are all gifts. Every moment is a gift. And if you’re able to live each day with that awareness, then you’re on your way to finding true happiness.

Guest blogger Debbie Magids, Ph.D. is a counseling psychologist with a thriving private practice in New York City. She recently launched TheTotalSelfPresciption.com, a groundbreaking and comprehensive program that will help guide people towards getting the life they want. It encompasses a look into the areas of self-awareness on the subconscious level, the mind/body connection, positive psychology and spirituality.

Always client-focused, Dr. Debbie’s groundbreaking methodology and results-oriented process consistently help her clients flourish so they can live their best life.

Dr. Debbie is the author of All The Good Ones Aren’t Taken: Change the Way You Date and Find Lasting Love. In addition, she regularly contributes her advice to Cosmopolitan, and has been quoted in Glamour, Self, and Time Out New York magazines, as well as on MSN.com. A popular television guest, Dr. Debbie has appeared on The Anderson Cooper Show, NBC’s Today and The Nate Berkus Show, HLN’s The Joy Behar Show, FOX’s The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, CNN Headline News, The Jane Velez-Mitchell Show, Your World with Neil Cavuto, The Tyra Show, The Montel Williams Show, and on primetime’s Pregnant in Heels. Dr. Debbie’s commentary has also been featured on The Howard Stern Show, where she’s offered her expertise on the mental health of Howard and the gang.

Dr. Debbie holds a Master of Arts in Organizational Psychology and a Master of Education in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University’s Teachers College. She attained her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Fordham University. Dr. Debbie Magids has been a member of American Psychological Association since 1989.

Stay connected with Dr. Debbie!
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/drdebbiemagids
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/drdebbiemagids
Official Site: http://drdebbie.com/

Last Spring, teachers at the Saklan School attended the TEDx conference on compassion in Richmond, California. Our goal was to gain an understanding of how we could help teach compassion to our middle school students. We spent the day listening to many inspirational speakers, songwriters, and curriculum designers. It was there that we spotted a book that resonated with both our school’s mission and the unique challenges of teaching middle school.

In a time when stress, anxiety, pressure, and fear of failure haunt so many middle school and high school students, Randy Taran’s Project Happiness Handbook offers tools for managing difficult situations and building life-long happiness. The book itself is fun, colorful, and interactive. It encourages readers to brainstorm, write, draw, and self-reflect while examining the differences between joy (short-term pleasure) and happiness (true contentment). It also explores how negative self-talk can become a habit that leads to self-deprecation and depression, while helping readers develop the self-awareness and skills necessary to lead positive, productive lives.

When we found the book, we couldn’t believe how lucky we were. Our dean contacted the author and explained how we were going to use it in our advisories. Randy was overjoyed to hear this as she was working on creating a curriculum for the exact same purpose. We decided to partner up, and test out her lesson plans in our eighth grade leadership class.

We started by showing the students the Project Happiness DVD, and then giving each one their own Project Happiness Handbook, which they used as a workbook and resource. While coming up with personal definitions of happiness, the kids shared their thoughts and feelings, ultimately realizing that everyone struggles with overcoming obstacles, and it is how you respond to these obstacles that affects your state of mind. The kids concluded that a large portion of a person’s happiness is derived from the ability to treat oneself and others with compassion. In the end, they suggested that having family and friends who love and support you is the best plan for achieving life-long happiness.

Our school’s mission is to Think Creatively, Act Compassionately, and Live Courageously. The Project Happiness Handbook enables our students to explore all of these values in meaningful ways. In our monthly “family groups” (first through eighth grade) activities, the eighth graders have been amazing as role models to the younger kids, teaching them age-appropriate lessons they helped create in leadership class on concepts like the “Boomerang Effect” (what goes around comes around) and “Waves of Appreciation” (acting with intentional positivity). These activities are usually done in an entertaining manner, always coming back to prompt students to think and react positively. Some lessons include: skits, reading stories or creative projects. For example, the eighth grader may ask the younger students to think of ways to be kind, help others, and assist in contributing to a school community where everyone feels welcome. The younger students really embrace the lessons because tehy are taight with an eighth grade leader, someone they look up to and want to be. These lessons drive home the idea to younger students that these ideas are good for everyone to practice.

Saklan truly is a kindhearted community. Many eighth graders know all the first graders’ names, third and fifth graders play at recess together, and faculty members share and enjoy each other’s perspectives and talents. This book has helped us reinforce our mission.

While creating happiness and compassion is not a core curriculum, we feel it is an essential one. Stress, anxiety, pressure, failure, and depression are becoming too common in our society and among young students. This book brought awareness to the fact that even the smallest negative comment said by a student, for example: “no one cares” or “no one gets me,” can lead to a chain reaction of pessimistic thoughts and feelings about themselves These habitual negative feelings can lead to a more serious state of depression. Realizing one’s place in the community and the value each brings, allows them to connect more to others and have a sense of self worth.

Currently the students are looking at “Finding Happiness, Sharing My Piece.” This idea is focused around having the students identify people who make up their community, and how each person, including oneself, has a role. Each student is asked to think of the valuable talents they have, and what they bring to the community. Some may be the athletes, or good listeners, others are funny or dramatic, some incredibly smart or a great sister/brother, but whatever that talent is that they offer, it is valuable.

They see that taking anyone one out of the community leaves a void, which then reinforces the fact that everyone in our community has value. Some students are able to see that they fill many roles, and that they truly benefit their community no matter how large it is. The eighth graders bring this idea to their family groups and demonstrate through team building challenges how everyone is needed. They highlight every student in their group with at least one thing they did well, and how the group together used their talents to complete the task.

Of course, the Project Happiness Handbook is not going to change anything over night, or magically vanquish the stresses of growing up. It is, however, an excellent reminder to accept challenges in a positive way. At Saklan, our students are now more aware of the value of being compassionate not only to others, but with themselves. We also hope that this book, now in their own personal libraries, will be a resource to them in the future, as it may give them the tools for overcoming difficult or unforeseen obstacles anytime in their life.

Editor’s note: For more information, joining the Happiness Coalition, or hosting a screening visit the Project Happiness website: http://www.projecthappiness.org. Also, you can find Randy Taran’s blog featuring the Project Happiness curriculum at Edutopia www.edutopia.org

My son just reminded me that it was Earth Day. This sparked a discussion of what can one person do to make a change? We talked about Al Gore, how recycling has grown and new ideas that could really shift our perspective. For me, the most exciting idea to affect the planet this year has come from a tiny country in the Himalayas, called Bhutan. Their Prime Minister has been waging a campaign to measure human progress not only by how wealthy a country is, but also by the way it impacts the environment and the happiness of its people… a fascinating notion that has made it all the way to the U.N.

Earlier this month, Bhutan’s Prime Minister Jigme Thinley proposed the meeting to explore the idea of Gross National Happiness (GNH), rather than just the conventional economic measure of Gross National Product (GNP). What does that mean? The U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, summarized it this way: “Social, economic and environmental well-being are indivisible. Together they define gross global happiness.” The environment, social well-being and economics together in one soup – now that’s an idea that could be a game changer!

I decided to look deeper. Apparently the U.N. General Assembly mandated a World Happiness Report which described some of the problems the planet is now facing.

The Problems:
We live in an age of stark contradictions:
• Advances in productivity and technology exist while we relentlessly destroy the natural environment in the process.
• Sophisticated technological advancement AND over one billion people without enough to eat each day.
• If we continue mindlessly along the current economic trajectory, we risk undermining the Earth’s life support systems – food supplies, clean water, and stable climate – necessary for human health and even survival in some places.
• Countries with great economic development (GNP) are coping with new crises of obesity, smoking, diabetes, depression and more.
• In the US, even with the rise in economic and technological progress over the last 50 years, life satisfaction has remained the same.

It’s clear that material gain alone is not the shortcut to happiness or environmental issues. According to Prime Minister Thinley, “The realities of poverty, anxiety, environmental degradation, and unhappiness in the midst of great plenty should not be regarded as mere curiosities. They require our urgent attention, and especially so at this juncture in human history.”

An alarming fact is that the World Health Organization predicts that by 2020, depression will be the second most debilitating cause of disease, across all countries, genders and ages. This is just behind heart disease. It’s time to adopt a new approach and there is hope. The Earth Institute Report suggests that “if we act wisely, we can protect the Earth while raising quality of life broadly around the world. We can do this by adopting lifestyles and technologies that improve happiness (or life satisfaction) while reducing human damage to the environment.” Lightbulb!!

The Solution
Bhutan is leading the wake-up call. Prime Minister Thinley states, “I see this as the reflection of a world finally coming to terms with the truth that it needs a shared, human vision in place of the mindless pursuit of limitless growth in a finite world.”

It is encouraging that other governments are taking notice too. The British government is placing “strong emphasis” on the impact of policies on mental health, which costs Britain a huge amount to treat and hurts industry efficiency. The government wants to inject well-being cost-benefit assessments into all new policies, said Gus O’Donnell, who represented the British Government at the U.N.

Enrico Giovannini, representing Italy said “Big corporations are starting to talk about corporate social responsibility, saying that money is not the only parameter we should use to assess how satisfied workers are — there is also a sense of community, future employability, education.” Jeffrey Sachs, Director of the Earth Institute, and co-editor of the World Happiness Report for the UN points out, “Happiness is not just a state of mind, not a trait but a skill and art of living. It can be taught, learned, and transmitted.” He further explains, “Sustainable Development is the term given to the combination of human well-being, social inclusion, and environmental sustainability. We can say that the quest for happiness is intimately linked to the quest for sustainable development…”

So, What Can One Person Do?
All this world happiness discussion may sound far away from day to day life, but world happiness and environmental change starts one person at a time. Here are some easy ways to begin. Some of these will be familiar. It’s putting them into action that makes all the difference.

1. Personal: Focus on your personal happiness and connecting with nature and develop practices that bring that into your life and home. A few aspects to start with are:
• Get enough sleep
• Do some physical exercise
• Practice an attitude of gratitude,
• Make an effort to develop mindfulness and speak with kindness
• If something doesn’t turn out ask, “What can I learn from this?”
• Get to know your strengths and what you are passionate about
• Try to leave an area better than the way you found it.
• Spend some time in nature, it will calm you and remind you of what’s important.

2. Education: Bring the Science of Happiness and Social and Emotional Learning to your schools. It is not enough to learn math, science and history. Learning resilience, self -awareness, self-mastery and taking responsibility for one’s impact on people and the environment are at least equally important to successfully navigate the ups and downs that life presents.

3. Engage: Do something that resonates with you to make the world a better place. This could be anything from smiling at a stranger, to volunteering in an animal shelter, mentoring someone, or doing one small thing to help the environment. You have more power than you may realize.

My son and I both agree, a happy world does begin with a happy you. Emotions are contagious, when you are happy, and care about the environment (in both your emotional and your carbon footprint) you spread that positivity to the people around you. Your example of living fully gives others permission to do the same. Happy people create happy communities who are dedicated to everyone thriving. These communities can then institute more caring policies that influence the well-being of a town, a state, a country… From one to many, conscious happiness can take hold, and it is a game changer for this generation and for those to come.

PROJECT HAPPINESS: I was wondering what your definition of happiness is, and whether it is in the long-term or short-term spectrum?

ADAM YAUCH: It is good that you’re making the distinction between short-term and long-term. I think there is a big difference. Short-term could be almost anything. Like, almost anything that makes you feel good for the moment. In terms of lasting happiness, one way to look at it is that anything, any happiness that you experience in life is the result of constructive things, or altruistic things that you’ve done. It’s all kind of the karma of past actions. In the same sense, any unhappiness that you experience in the present is the result of, of selfish things that you’ve done in the past. I guess one way to look at it is that if one wants to create more happiness in their life in the future, then working towards doing more altruistic things or things to benefit other people, that’s the way to get there. I don’t know if that exactly answers your question in terms of the definition of what happiness is, but I’ll throw that out there anyway.

PH: Well, what brings you happiness?

ADAM: Well I definitely enjoy making music. I have fun hanging out with my daughter, with my family, with my wife.

PH: We’re part of this project called Project Happiness, trying to help or have people understand how to get back to their own happiness. Can you describe a point in your life when, when you felt like the challenges in your life were keeping you from finding your true happiness? And could you describe how, how you overcame those challenges?

ADAM: I don’t know if I have any good anecdotes for that. I think one of the most fulfilling things that I’ve been involved in was doing the Tibetan Freedom Concerts. I think that was pretty amazing working on that. And just, you know, seeing some of the results of that, or seeing what it, what it meant to people to, to Tibet, to Tibetan people that are striving for independence. I think being involved in those concerts was pretty, pretty amazing.

PH: What would you recommend to people who don’t feel like they could have that much influence on society to bring their happiness, to do something that they can be proud of and that they feel is helping others?

ADAM: Everything we do affects other people. One doesn’t have to be doing something that has some huge sweeping change on a lot of people at one time. Every way that we interact with other people, even if it’s like, you’re at the store and buying something, and it’s the way that you interact with the clerk at the store. EVERY action that we take has some motivation of either being selfish or altruistic. All that adds up. I’ve heard the Dalai Lama talk about how it’s important to watch your thoughts. Thoughts are what lead to actions. If you are striving to have more happiness in your life, it helps to guide your mind towards starting to recognize what are selfish motivations and what are constructive motivations. The more you look at that and recognize it, the more that’s going to influence your actions.

PH: You mentioned the concert you did for the Free Tibet Movement. What in your life inspired you to use your passion for music to really promote something that was significant to you, like the Free Tibet Movement?

ADAM: Well, in terms of what inspired me to be involved with Tibet specifically is, I guess I just came across it. I was traveling in Nepal and, and met some Tibetans. They had just come over the Himalayas escaping from Tibet, and they were on their way to Dharmasala to see the Dalai Lama. I just got interested in why they were trying to escape from Tibet, and why they were so interested to get to the Dalai Lama. I started researching that a bit more. The more I looked into it, I just wanted to help out with that situation. And, and of course music is the best way for me to be able to be involved in it, because that’s what I’m around. So, that just sort of made sense.

PH: I’ve heard you say it before in past interviews, and I definitely agree myself that greed is a big problem today in America. It seems that people view wealth as a measurement of their success in life, or even a measurement of their own happiness. How can we change this mind thought, which most of us have been brought up believing?

ADAM: It’s pretty easy to see that wealth doesn’t really equal happiness. We can, just by looking at the news you can see that a lot of people in the world who have ridiculous amounts of money are not too pleased with their lives, and spend a lot of time being unhappy.

PH: A lot of what we’ve been talking about is that we’re conditioned to keep going. We need to work hard, and it’s almost like there’s no time to really slow down and take a break and really just self-reflect. In your music do you see that you’re helping people to understand how to, how to really slow down, to stop and think and how to reflect?

ADAM: I definitely agree with you. It does seem like society’s moving faster and faster, and it seems like the more machines we get to make things more convenient – computers and cell phones, and everything – it seems to make things more hectic, rather than making things more convenient. If somebody calls you or writes to you, they expect a response within five minutes rather than like, within a few days. (Laughing) What was the question?

PH: I was wondering if, if you see that your music is helping people to, to reflect?

ADAM: Oh, yeah. At certain times I’ve tried to put constructive ideas into lyrics. It’s a delicate balance. It’s easy for music, for lyrics, to get kind of preachy, and start, you know, rather than giving constructive ideas it just kind of gets annoying. So sometimes I’ve, I’ve tried to do that, to put some constructive ideas into lyrics or into songs. But sometimes I feel like it’s all right for music to just be entertainment. It’s a fine line trying to find when that works and when it doesn’t work. I think the main thing is just trying to keep it from being destructive.

PH: Well, on that note, people are claiming that this destructive media is desensitizing our generation and robbing us of our consciousness. Do you agree with that? And what can we do to change it if you think the media is so destructive towards us?

ADAM: That’s a good question. Again, it’s a fine line between entertainment and what’s destructive. I don’t really know what the solution is. I don’t like my daughter watching regular cable TV. We usually try and just rent DVDs of stuff for her to check out. There’s a lot of stuff out there that’s pretty hectic.

PH: Whose place do you feel it really is to kind of step in?

ADAM: It’s tricky. Having the government involved in censoring media is a can of worms. That kind of censorship is sort of dangerous. But at the same time, you do want some kind of guides… like with film ratings. On one level, it’s important to have film ratings to know what films to take my daughter to, what’s going to be appropriate. But, the way that the rating system works now there’s just a handful of people that are making sweeping decisions that… So I don’t quite know what the right way is to do it, but, but it needs to be figured out (LAUGHTER).

PH: Do you feel that with this question about how can we lessen the destructive media that kids our age are seeing, do you think that as a musician whose music has a huge influence on a lot of people, do you feel that you have an opportunity to help in this with your music?

ADAM: I think everybody does. Music can be a very important form of communication and it can communicate to a lot of people. But it’s not good to underestimate what any one person can do. Like I was saying before, every interaction that we have with people, every thought that runs through our heads ultimately has some effect on the world. We all kind of need to look at that. Rather than just thinking, “Oh, this person’s a celebrity, they should be doing X, X, X.” Everybody has a responsibility for what they put out into the world. Rather than trying to figure out what other people should be doing, work on your own interactions in the world, and whatever influence they have. All of it has an effect.

PH: For Project Happiness, we really want people to discover happiness for themselves. I was wondering what piece of advice you’d give about how to really help people understand, instead of forcing them to understand.

ADAM: One of the most effective ways of communicating is talking about your own experience rather than talking about what other people should or shouldn’t be doing. When I was around 15 or 16, the first Minor Threat record came out. And, Ian MacKaye, he said, “I don’t smoke, I don’t drink,” whatever. For some reason that was very effective at that time to me, that he’s only talking about it in the first person, about what he does, rather than preaching what anybody else should do. That feels like the most effective way of communicating.

PH: So we should teach with experience.

ADAM: I think so. That’s what resonates with me when I hear people talking, saying what their own experiences are.

PH: I know that technology is such a huge part of your music. Project Happiness has been using technologies to connect students in really disparate places like Nigeria and India and here. Are you positive about technology being used as a tool to connect people, or is there kind of a guiding principle for making real connections between people with technology?

ADAM: I’ll actually quote the Dalai Lama on that one, because I heard him talking about that. People had asked him whether they thought technology was a good thing or a bad thing, the sort of level of it. He basically just said, “It’s just a tool.” Tools can be used in constructive ways or destructive ways. It really comes back to motivation, to human motivation of how this stuff is used.

PH : What brings you fun in life? What’s fun for you, and what brings you peace?

ADAM: It’s such a simple question, I don’t know why it feels complicated. In terms of what brings me fun in life? Just goofing around with friends… laughing at myself. As for what brings me peace? Just trying not to do anything that’s destructive to anybody else, or trying to do things that are constructive in the world, that really brings me peace. The times when I feel unhappy, I can almost directly trace it to, oh, I shouldn’t have done that, or I shouldn’t have said this, or whatever. That’s what would take away my peace, or make me lose sleep or whatever. If I feel like I’ve done the best that I can or conducted myself in the most constructive way that I can in a situation, then I feel peace.

I visit a lot of schools and communities with a documentary I produced called Project Happiness. The idea is to remind people of the happiness that we were born with and how to re-access it, no matter what the external circumstances. I am grateful for the profound appreciation coming from audiences; yet the reason troubles me to the core. Why in so many cities, across the country, am I hearing again and again of kids taking their lives?

What is the feeling of utter hopelessness and isolation that prompts such an action? If you would ask most parents across the globe what they want most for their children, it is to be happy. And most people want to live a meaningful life. How did we get from there to here?

The statistics are down right shocking.

• In a survey of high school students, the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center found that almost one in five teens had thought about suicide, about one in six teens had made plans for suicide, and more than one in 12 teens had attempted suicide.

• According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), each day there are approximately 12 youth suicides. Every two hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 commits suicide.

• According to the American College Health Association (ACHA) suicide is currently the second most common cause of death among college-age students.

• An ACHA study in 2002 reported that one in 12 college students has actually made a suicide plan at some point and 1.5 out of every 100 have actually attempted it.

• Suicide clusters are not uncommon. Six students committed suicide at Cornell University between September 2009 and March 2010, including two in the same week.

I say that when even one person chooses to end it all, because they feel they have no hope, no inner resources, no options, it an immeasurable loss to all of us.

National Epidemic

The thing is, this is not going away — it’s accelerating, and no community is immune. This is happening from coast to coast. In 2008, a Nantucket, Mass. high school with a population of 400 students lost three students to suicide in less than a year. In Wellesley, Mass. a year earlier, another three students committed suicide before their spring’s graduation. In the spring of 2009 in Palo Alto, Calif., there were five suicides in one high school in one year. Lake Forest, Ill. just experienced two students committing suicide at the local train tracks. Lady Gaga has called attention to all GLBT teens suffering from bullying, with a call for action after Jamey Rodemeyer’s suicide. Sadly, he is one of many. And yet, it is not necessarily those who appear depressed who commit suicide. In February 2012 in Glendale, Calif., a junior varsity football player jumped from a three-story building in the school courtyard during lunch. I learned about this suicide just a few days after it happened when a teen in the audience spoke out at a screening of the film. You could have heard a pin drop.

All these young people are sending a message that is a national wake-up call. For many it has cost their lives. What does it take for us to open our eyes to the issues?

Awareness of the situation is key.

The World Health Organization predicts that depression will be the second most debilitating disease behind heart disease by 2020. This is across all countries, genders and ages. You only have to open any magazine or watch TV to see all the ads for antidepressants. This can be effective and works in some cases, but I propose that we look deeper.

Preventative wellness is about learning proven practices that can improve our outlook, wellbeing and feelings of engagement with all that life has to offer. I recall the phrase “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” This is 100 percent true.

The point is we need to teach our youth the skills to create a happier life from within, and the sooner the better. Everyone, including those who suffer from stress and depression, can benefit from certain practices that actually positively influence our neural pathways and brain functioning. There are ways “to sidestep the mental habits that lead to despair, including rumination and self-blame, so one can face life’s challenges with greater resilience.”

We have more control than we think

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research states that our genetics influence 50 percent of our happiness, the life circumstances influence 10 percent, but a full 40 percent of our happiness can be influenced by the practices and habits of thought that we can cultivate. Some of these simple practices include:

• Expressing gratitude — keeping a gratitude journal

• Minding your mindset — developing a “growth” rather than a “fixed” mindset

• Getting enough sleep, exercise and energizing food

• Realizing that there are many more options (vs. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get into that college.” It’s much more important to find a good fit, discover and build on your strengths, and explore what makes you come alive, what brings you into a “flow” state.

• Savoring positive experiences

• Helping others, which often helps us more

• Connecting with friends and family in caring and meaningful relationships. It’s not a weakness to reach out when things get tough — it’s really a sign that you are taking charge of your life.

Programs That Help

It is fascinating that one of Harvard’s most popular classes is “The Science of Happiness.” The question now is why is this mostly available for college-aged students in a few elite schools? The Project Happiness curriculum and others including mindfulness and SEL: Social and Emotional Learning have been designed to address the emotional well-being of our youth and also teach them skills to interact with the world in positive, empathetic and meaningful ways. With what is going on today, every elementary, middle and high school — not just the progressive or affluent schools — needs to have access to these preventative wellness resources. This is not an extra layer in education; on the contrary, it is at the core. It’s no longer enough to just teach math, English and history. Self-awareness, self-mastery, and resilience are skill sets that make or break the college experience and determine long-term success in every arena of life. This is critical. If we fail to offer these life skills to this generation, (aka, our future leaders), we are leaving them disadvantaged, ill-equipped, and for some in a precarious position, as they try to find their way in this increasingly high-stress world.

The price of denial is far too high; let’s work together to make this a priority, rather than a mop-up strategy after the tragedies have struck. How many more lives do we have to lose?

Next blog will be on warning signs and what to do…

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, The Trevor Project 1.866.488.7386

Have you ever tried to be happy, yet something just irked you under the surface — a feeling that you had not been seen, appreciated, loved? Or even worse, a feeling of betrayal, total loss of trust or even violation? What can be done? The way out is forgiveness. Let’s make something clear from the get go. It’s not about saying that what happened to hurt you was OK — it was not. It’s about adjusting your outlook and the way you deal with a situation so that it does not entrap you, keeping you stuck in anger, sadness or frustration for years to come. Your forgiveness opens the door to your own freedom. A quote I love is, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Louis B. Smedes.

Dr. Fred Luskin of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project defines forgiveness as “the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel and become a hero instead of a victim in the story that you tell. Forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment.”

My parents are getting older, and I find that long-buried feelings like “Why couldn’t they be the perfect parents I had wished for?” coming to the forefront of my mind. I thought that I had dealt with this sticky stuff long ago — what’s up? Hey, I know I should feel happy to even have parents who possess several amazing qualities and who are still here! I also know the drill: Everyone is human and does the best they can with the knowledge they have. Yet these feelings of irritation and sadness still arise. So I am trying to write this to learn to forgive, to let go and create more mental space in my life. More room for happiness! Here’s what I’ve found:

Forgiveness is not:

• Accepting unkindness
• Forgetting that something painful happened
• Excusing poor behavior
• Minimizing or denying your hurt
• Making it your fault
• A call to give up your feelings

Forgiveness is:

• The peace you feel when you let go of your grievance story
• About having compassion for yourself and your situation
• About you and your healing, not about the person who hurt you
• Taking responsibility for how you feel right now
• Finding a way to become the hero in your story rather than the victim
• Taking back your power and moving forward toward your dreams

You do not have to reconcile with someone who hurt you, but rather consider making a decision that blame or hurt will not dominate your thoughts or the experiences that grow from them. Anger begets anger. Self-pity can turn into despair. When these emotions become dominant, they take over valuable real estate within you that could be used to channel your awesomeness, creativity and talents. Imagine a body filled with emotions. How much space is anger taking? Anyone full of anger or bitterness has less room for the good stuff, like love and gratitude.

Some questions can help put things into a new perspective. How did you become stronger as a result of your experiences? What lessons did you learn along the way? Do you really want to have all your energy entrapped in the past, or can you feel the painful emotion, observe it and realize that you no longer need it? It does not have to define you. You are much more than your emotions. Then, can you let it go?

The next step, of course, is to be grateful for the lessons learned. The idea is to have compassion that as people, everyone struggles — that’s the human condition. At that level, your worst enemy becomes your greatest teacher. That’s the graduate course. We all have to get through the basics first.

Tonight I will write a letter to my parents, which I will never give them. It will cover what I have discovered through the years, and how I have become a stronger person as a result. From frustration, I have learned patience. From longing for a mentor, I am learning to mentor others, and so on. It should be fascinating, and I am excited about what will emerge. It may not change the dynamics of our relationship; that’s not the goal. The idea is that it may very well shift something in me, perhaps to a feeling of spaciousness so I can savor even more deeply all that is good, inspiring and wonderful in life. Forgiveness can be a pathway to personal freedom… I invite you to explore it too.

Have you forgiven someone recently or would you like to? What is on your mind?

Valentine’s Day: What does it represent to you? Is it a reminder of the passions of new romance or the love that you are longing for in your life? Is it a commercial orchestration fabricated by the greeting card, flower and chocolate industries to make us buy more? Here’s the real question: Can Valentine’s Day remind us of the enormous capacity for love that we already carry within?

From the day we are born, not only do we need love and affection to thrive, we constantly give and generate love. Benjamin Disraeli says, “We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.” Yet the word love in itself is confusing. It means so many different things to different people. Here are some of its faces:

• the protective affection felt by parents for their children
• the resonance felt by sharing interests and true friendship
• the sexual expression of love that also can hold the potential of transcendence
• the sense of caring for others’ welfare — what we call unconditional love.

There are times when each of these types of love takes the lead, but throughout the ebb and flow, one thing is constant: however love is expressed, the more you give it, the more it grows. Here are a few ways to keep that love vibrant within yourself, so you can share more of it with others.

1. Don’t Forget to Love Yourself

This is not about a narcissistic or self-indulgent love. It is the idea of cultivating self-compassion and treating yourself as you would a good friend. How?

• Self-kindness means being warm and understanding to yourself when things don’t go your way.

• Common Humanity: Rather than feeling isolated, remember that everyone goes through hard times. It’s not personal — it is what makes us human.

• Mindfulness: Try a mindful perspective — observe your thoughts and feelings as they are without trying to suppress or deny them. Do not judge or criticize yourself!

If you can also practice activities that help you re-center and tap into your gifts, that too goes a long way to loving yourself. There is nothing selfish about it — the more you take care of yourself, the more you have to offer to others.

2. Create Love Grounded in Trust

While romantic love can stir the senses, hormones and take over our lives, consider also cultivating a caring type of love. It does not have to be showy; quietly authentic and consistent expression goes a long way to building trust. In this day and age, knowing that someone truly has your back means a lot! If they want the best for you, no matter what, that is priceless. I have a friend who is there for me. It can be months between calls, but when we connect, it is effortless and caring and true. The quality of trust makes all the difference in romantic relationships too. It deepens a connection and allows the relationship to survive the challenges that come up. I love the image of an ocean. Though there may be turbulent waves on the top, below there is a depth that remains untouched by what is showing up on the surface. Resonating with someone is the first step… trust goes the distance! That’s the kind of valentine I am most grateful for!

3. Invest in Experiences rather than Trinkets

Flowers wilt, chocolates get eaten and things lose their shininess in time. What remains in our minds and hearts are the memories of experiences that make us come alive. Whether that’s hiking to a sunset beach with someone you care about, trying an activity that you never thought you could do, or designing an event that makes you both feel amazing, there’s no limit but your imagination and curiosity. Even the planning of it adds to the fun. What experience can you create to make a moment in time memorable? By the way, this is not just for Valentines’ Day. Sprinkle some of this into the year — it will make you smile.

At the end of our days, what is most important is not only who we loved, but how graciously we expressed that love. The challenge is to make this Valentine’s Day focus on love a practice. Can you be even more present for yourself, your family, friends and even people you may not know? Love is a seeds that sprouts in places we may never know. It opens hearts; it melts the walls that separate us. By focusing on expanding our capacity for giving and receiving love, and for compassion, who knows what could happen? We are truly all in this together and have more power than we know to shape our collective future.

Oliver Wendell Homes said, “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” How about taking on some of that?

What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?

I have spent a ton of time lately thinking about how to find happiness in times like these.

I think about all the different situations that surround so many people in my life. So how can you find happiness when: you’ve lost your job, you’ve lost your house, your child is dying, your child has an incurable condition, you have cancer, your parent just died of cancer, or you are getting divorced? Those are just some examples.

How can you be happy amidst all the insanity that envelopes your life when you are dealing with just one of those things, let alone multiple things?

My family was hit hard by the economy.

The financial stress was creating turmoil in our lives. Once we made the decision to downsize and do what was best for our family, our lives increased a hundred fold. I won’t lie, it was not an easy decision, and one that I spent many nights crying over. Of course I still have moments where I miss my big bedroom, fancy kitchen, and beautiful hardwood floors, but those moments are fleeting. I am thankful for what we have now.

We have downsized and it has saved our lives.

Over the past week we have added 8 chickens and 3 goats to our existing brood. We are getting our land ready for a huge vegetable garden that we will plant in the spring.

My husband and kids are outside everyday working and playing, enjoying hours and hours of “green” therapy. Grass and sunshine are keeping my family happy and sane. Sure, we still sit inside and watch TV, check our computers, and play Legos, but we are living it up outside! These are things we never did at our old house. We are happy, really happy.

I have finally transformed my feeling of loss, the loss of the life I knew, to a true feeling of joy. This house is amazing for Blaise and Maddock, my two sons. My kids get more exercise at their own house than they could at any park or gym out there. We spend so much time together as a family, playing and working outside. Our loss really brought us closer together. Our loss helped our family. Our loss became our saving grace.

I think about this topic a lot in regards to my son, Blaise, having Prader Willi Syndrome and Autism.

I think about how much those two things have enriched me, not destroyed me.

I think all the time how lucky I am. I have always loved to cook, I have always been healthy, but PWS has taught me more about food than any book could have ever taught me. I have always had great friends, but PWS has brought me a second family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have always had compassion, but PWS has taught me compassion on the purest level. So again, this is yet another example of how I turned sadness and loss into love.

I met a man yesterday, a farmer, who used to work construction. He was a very successful contractor who raised animals on the side. When the economy went south he said that he would start farming full time. He is happy and he is doing well. He could have thrown in the towel when his business failed, but instead he chose to find a different path, and make it joyful and successful.

I meet people like this all the time. I used to think to myself how do they do that? How can they be happy when life is such, pardon my french, Crap.

I get it now.

For me I had no choice. I can’t sit and cry everyday that Blaise has PWS. I can’t sit and cry everyday that my son is in pain every moment of his life. I can’t sit and cry that my son won’t live the life I had dreamed for him. I can’t sit and cry everyday that my son has to fight for everything in his life. I can’t sit and cry everyday that I don’t have my big house anymore. I can’t sit and cry that my life didn’t work out the way I had planned.

I did try it though. And to be clear: it didn’t do anything for me.

I had a crash course in, “HOW TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOUR LIFE TAKES A DETOUR!”

You can either spend everyday crying, or you can find things to make that loss into your “new life.”

Don’t misunderstand me, it’s ok to cry. In fact, it’s good to let it out and release. I have cried a lot. I had to cry and grieve for a long time when Blaise was diagnosed, but then I had to move on.

I had a good friend remind me that “LIFE IS FULL OF VALLEYS AND PEAKS!” Whenever I have a bad day I remind myself of that. I remember that tomorrow I could be back on the peak. I don’t have to have an AMAZING day everyday, but I make it a practice to find something joyful in the day, even if it is just an itty-bitty thing.

I am blessed. I believe that it is important to acknowledge that to myself everyday. I know first hand that my thoughts can have a major impact on my life. If I choose to be happy than I can take steps to see and have that happiness. It is a conscience practice everyday.

So although it may not seem possible right now to be happy amidst all the crap in your life, you can. Even if it is just baby steps in the beginning. Find just one thing that made you happy today and start there.

Happiness spreads. Let it.

Guest blogger Rachel Pastilof is a native of Philadelphia/South Jersey, who currently resides in Atlanta with her husband and two young sons, ages 5 and 2 1/2. In 2009 Rachel’s oldest son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Prader-Willi Syndrome, with a diagnosis of autism to follow shortly after. The diagnosis was traumatic and forever altered the course of her life. Rachel has made it her mission to educate the world about children who have special needs and parents who raise children with special needs. Between doctors appointments, therapy sessions, and the normal stuff everyday parents do, Rachel writes a blog – 3wordsfor365.com. Rachel and her sister Jennifer also run a charity called G.A.M.E. Yoga.(www.gameyoga.org) that provides yoga for free to children with special needs.

So many people grumble and gripe about the holidays — too much family, too much food, too many obligations. But what if you approached it all with another perspective — as though this might be your last time to be together. Would you overlook some of the annoyances? Would you focus on what amused you about specific people instead of what drove you crazy? Would you choose to make the moments special and have a deeper connection?

This time of year reminds me of my father-in-law. He was with us one year, and by the next holiday season, he was gone, so quickly and unexpectedly to pancreatic cancer. I don’t harbor regrets as we all got to be with him at the end, but it gets me thinking of how impermanent life can be. It can also be something as simple as having the whole family together one year, and the next year someone may be working a new job that prevents them from being home during the holidays. Do we really know for sure who will be around the table next year?

Here are some thoughts that come to mind:

1. Find one thing to appreciate about every person you are with.

2. Let them know that you have a funny or poignant memory of a time that you spent together.

3. Savor the moment — enjoy their company right now!

4. Tell them that you appreciate having them in your life.

5. Allow them to do the same for you.

At the end of the day, everyone is trying to do their best — some muddle through it more than others, flailing and crashing into people along the way. Some exhibit grace and inspire you to your depths. I sometimes think that all humans are in a dance between intention and surrender. It’s easier for some than for others — that’s just the way it is.

Can you focus on the goodness, the beauty and the capacity for love in the person you are with at that moment? Can you see something greater in them than they may even see in themselves? Granted this may only be possible in very small doses, and it may be excruciatingly difficult with some people, but it could be worth a shot.

Even in classes, students tend to rise to the level that the teacher sees them at. If someone is always told they are not good enough, that’s often what shows up. If someone is seen as special and gifted in some capacity, they often rise to the occasion. This holiday, consider an experiment — treat a few people as you would want to be treated yourself, and see what happens. You may be amazed by the response.

If you treated this family time as if it could be your last, what would that change for you in your life? How can you make this holiday season not only tolerable but one that creates memories to cherish later on? What are your secrets to an awesome holiday experience?

The idea of Thanksgiving, that is giving thanks, makes it one of my all-time favorite holidays. It has built into it one of the timeless keys to happiness: gratitude. Thanksgiving actually directs us to tune into what we are thankful for. The tradition of sitting around the table hearing each person saying what they are grateful for is a sure way to lift everyone’s spirits. From simple gratitude for pumpkin pie with whipped cream to profound appreciation for being alive to share this day, the myriad of expressions are funny, inspiring and very often open our hearts.

The idea of bringing to light what we are grateful for in life is powerful. Automatically we shift from “what is missing in my life” to “what is already there for me to enjoy.” The move is from lack to fullness, from “what I am grasping for” to “what I am grateful to already have in place.” What we put our attention on grows, and this is true for gratitude as well. When we focus on the blessings in our lives, we tend to notice them more.

Relationships and feeling connected are also important keys to happiness. The opportunity to share positive expressions for one another in a kind and loving way is a soothing balm for day-to-day unconscious eruptions that may occur. The practice of appreciations makes everyone feel better and brings out the best in us all.

Here are three tips to extend that Thanksgiving feeling all year long:

1. Gratitude Dinners: What if you planned a weekly “Gratitude Dinner” where each person shares what they appreciate about the person sitting next to them? This is sure to bring out the best in everyone and can be an island of joy amidst a week of very hectic lives.

2. Gratitude Boosts: What if when you notice those pesky warning signs of a stressful incident just waiting to happen, you just pause to take three deep breaths and with each one, think about something that you are grateful for? Really picture it in your mind and feel it. It could be as simple as I’m grateful for pancakes, or how my dog greets me. It could be a special smile that made your day or that you gave to make someone else’s. It could be a small act of kindness, or a conversation that really brought you closer to someone you care about. When stressed out, breathe in gratitude.

3. Gratitude Rewiring: Research has shown that reflecting on people or things we are grateful for helps to not only dissipates stress; it actually helps develop new neural pathways. [1] When we get into the habit of being grateful, “the neurons that fire together wire together.” Although it takes repetition, focusing on gratitude can in time become our go-to reaction.

This Thanksgiving Day, challenge everyone at the table to start a routine of naming a few things they are thankful for every night before going to bed. Consider buddying up with someone at the table to check in on each other’s progress over the holiday season. It is a powerful way to extend the Thanksgiving spirit and boost your happiness into the New Year.

What Thanksgiving traditions would you like to put into your life? What are you grateful for, right now?

REFERENCE:

1. Daniel G. Amen, M.D., Change Your Brain, Change Your Body. (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2010), 227-228.

Mercy Bisi Olatunji is one of the students from the original Project Happiness program. As part of their original curriculum, the students read and reviewed the Dalai Lama’s book Ethics for the New Millenium and discussed how it applied to their current situations.

As I study Chapter One of the Ethics for the New Millennium, three major issues come to my mind. The first and most important is the Dalai Lama’s handling and definition of genuine happiness, the nature of happiness and where it is located in the innermost part of our being. The second major issue that the Dalai Lama addresses is that the quest for happiness and avoidance of suffering and pain is a basic and fundamental human desire. Everyone wants and needs to be happy, but nobody wants to even contemplate suffering or pain. Thirdly, the Dalai Lama describes a practical reality in our lives; the fact that there is so much suffering and pain even though nobody wants to suffer. What an irony this is. So many people suffer and even go hungry in the midst of plenty or abundance.

The Dalai Lama, through the Ethics for the New Millennium as well as his work, has challenged me personally to reflect on the important issues of life and to seek answers and solutions to the root causes of happiness and pain human society. My study of the book with colleagues in school, and also alone at home, has made me more aware and conscious of the basic philosophical and existential questions of “Who am I?”, “Why am I in existence?”, “How can I be happy?”, “How do I make others happy?”, “What is truth?”; the list of questions goes without end.

Looking at my proximate community and especially my country Nigeria, I find a lot of very practical and challenging issues. I want to be happy, but other people around me also have every right to be happy; I cannot be truly happy by inflicting pain on others. My happiness is conditioned by the happiness I bring to others. But genuine happiness, which the Dalai Lama describes as originating from within and is as a result of inner peace, comes from serving others. The one who serves, and the one to whom the service is provided, both feel happy, even though the service provider gets happier.

I agree with the Dalai Lama that people in modern societies tend to depend more on machines and services rather than on fellow human beings. The consequence of all this is unhealthy competitions, envy, hatred, accounting for the problems, tensions and unhappiness in our societies today. This trend must be challenged and changed, by all of us, individually and collectively. As we all seek ways and means to find happiness and fulfillment in life, His Holiness calls us to reflect on the fact that there is someone else somewhere, very close to us, who needs our help in order to be happy too. Only when we succeed in making such a person happy do we become happy ourselves and find the fulfillment and satisfaction that we seek. The Dalai Lama does not only show us the way, he is actually in the lead, by his practical example. He does not only preach peace and compassion, he is actually a very peaceful and compassionate human being.

MERCY BISI OLATUNJI

JOS – NIGERIA